Think your spouse is spying on you. Find out if they are, why they’d do it, and how you should respond, right here…
Being spied on by your spouse is never a good situation to be in. You might have been suspicious for a while, or maybe you got an inkling minutes before opening this article. Either way, you’ll likely be a little clearer after this.
There are a multitude of reasons why your spouse might be spying on you. Whether they suspect your infidelity, are controlling your every move, or are hiring a forensic account specialising in divorce proceedings to get to know your financial situation better. I’m sure we’ve piqued your interest, now!
If you want to know some more of the common reasons for spying on someone, and how you can tell if someone’s spying on you, you came to the right place. We’ll also be sharing with you how you can protect yourself from it, and what you should do if you learn your spouse is spying on you. After all, it can sometimes be a little more sinister than at first glance…
Why Would my Spouse Spy on Me?
There are an infinite number of reasons your spouse might spy on you, but to help you understand why yours might be doing it, here are some of the most common ones:
Drugs and Alcohol Problem
If you’ve ever had any issues with drugs and alcohol in the past, they might want to make sure you’re still on the wagon. This could be because they’ve seen some suspicious behaviour in you that they recognise from your drinking days, or they are just constantly worried you’ll fall back into it.
Money Troubles
If you’ve had a past of spending money frivolously, or gambling away the family savings, that’s a good reason your spouse might be spying on you. Even if you haven’t done this in the past, your partner might have been with someone in the past who was terrible with money, and they find it hard to trust again.
Lying about Employment
This one is a little more out there, but is still a reasonable reason your partner might be spying on you. There have been cases in the past of people losing their jobs and keeping quiet until they find a new one so as not to upset or panic their family. If you’re being quite vague about your work, your partner might think you’ve lost your job and covering it up.
Cheating
Cheating is probably the most popular reason for spying on a wife or husband. Some people are suspicious or paranoid about a spouse cheating on them because they’ve been cheated on in the past, and are worried it might happen to them again. If you’ve actually cheated on your spouse before, then it’s even more reason for them to be suspicious.
Other people are insecure about themselves and believe that no-one could love them, and this makes them suspicious of you. They need reassurance from you that you would never cheat, but sometimes it isn’t enough, and they resort to spying.
Looking to File for Divorce and Need a Reason
Depending on where you live in the world, there is a significant advantage to be gained during a divorce from having hard proof of infidelity, hidden assets, or addiction. In certain US states, one of the factors a court will consider is marital misconduct by either spouse. If a court finds that the spouse who supports their partner committed adultery, they will order them to pay alimony to the dependent spouse.
In the UK, to even get a divorce you have to provide a genuine reason for doing so. If your partner disputes this reason, you then have to provide evidence to back it up or you will stay married until a two-year separation period has played out.
Forensic Accountancy During a Divorce
During a divorce, one of the parties may be lying about their assets so as not to hand everything over when the proceedings conclude. If you think your spouse is hiding something like this, a forensic accountant will be the ones for the job.
An accountant, of this sort, will assess and investigate the individual’s personal finances to get to the bottom of their funds. If your spouse is looking to dissolve the divorce proceedings, this would be a good way to do it. After all, if hidden assets are uncovered, this can eradicate the entire process.
Controlling Behaviour
Finally, spying on your spouse is a way of controlling them, and this is never a good sign. If you suspect this sort of sinister behaviour, rethinking your relationship should be on the cards.
How Can I Tell if my Spouse is Spying on Me?
There are a number of ways a spying spouse can get their information. Knowing how they go about it will help you figure out how to catch someone spying on you. The three main ways to spy on someone, and the ways you can detect them, include…
Smartphone
There are spying apps that allow someone to track your GPS, read emails, text messages and record phone calls. These apps are also known as stalkerware, or spouseware, and are typically sold openly online.
One cyber-security company has seen a 35 percent rise in people who have found this software on their phones over the past year. The worst part is, these apps work in stealth mode, and are hidden on your phone.
At this point, you might be thinking to yourself, “okay, but is someone spying on my phone? If these apps are invisible, how can I actually tell they’re on my phone without confronting my partner and potentially putting my foot in it?”
The first thing you can do is monitor your smartphone’s data usage. Understandably, these apps use a lot of data, so if you see a sudden spike in your usage you might have one on your phone.
Sometimes you can see the apps on your phone, so do a sweep and if there’s anything you don’t recognise on there, uninstall it. Otherwise, a virus scan might be able to pick up the app as “potentially harmful software”. Your final option is to take it to a third-party specialist, and have it checked over professionally, but this may be a bit drastic if your suspicions are minimal.
Laptop
The same way spouseware apps are installed on your phone, software can be installed on your laptop to hack your emails and check the websites you’ve visited. The same rules of detection apply; remove any icons or programs you don’t recognise, scan your computer and, if all else fails, have a professional look over it.
When it comes to laptops, and smartphones to a lesser degree, the old spying tactics still apply. Your partner could know your password and manually check your emails or browser history. If they know the password to any of your social media accounts, they could also be at risk. In this scenario it’s best to change your passwords and keep them away from your partner’s grasp.
Car
This approach is a little more hands-on than simply installing an app. In the past, spying spouses have been known to put GPS devices in their partner’s car. These devices can be easily obtained and planted in your vehicle without you ever noticing.
The only way to know whether your spouse is spying on you this way is to look for the device. Check some of the more common places, such as the glove box, under the car seats, and under the wheel wells.
Again, if you can’t find the device, and still suspect your partner is spying on you, seek out a mechanic and have them find it for you. It might also be a good idea to check if it’s your smartphone they’re tracking the GPS from instead.
How Should I Respond When I Learn my Spouse is Spying on Me?
If your suspicions are proven to be true, and your partner is spying on you, there are a few ways you can approach the situation, including…
Transparency
If your partner is spying on you for good reason, i.e. you are cheating on them or gambling the family savings, you could come clean with them. Admit what you’ve been doing, and seek counselling, if necessary, to repair any damage to your relationship caused by this whole ordeal.
If you haven’t done anything wrong, and you want to prove to your partner that you’ve done nothing wrong, this is a different matter. You could share your passwords with them and let them look through your accounts, if that’s the only way they will be able to trust you. However, trust is a huge part of any relationship, so rethinking your relationship may be on the cards.
Talk it Out
It might be a good idea to speak to your spouse and find out why they wanted to spy on you in the first place. Is it because they’ve had issues in past relationships, or because you’ve been distant with them lately?
Talking through the issues will hopefully resolve the issue, and maybe even bring you closer together. If your partner finds it hard to talk about their issues, you could attend couples’ therapy and work through it with a professional.
Make it Harder for Them to Spy on You
This probably isn’t the most constructive solution as it doesn’t actually resolve the underlying issue. However, if you want to stay with your partner, and don’t care that they’re attempting to spy on you, you can make it harder for them to spy on you. Just delete any apps you find using anti-virus, change all your passwords, and get rid of any planted bugs.
Take Your Spouse to Court
Taking your spouse to court for spying on you could be one of two things: to divorce them over their behaviour or seek criminal justice. Divorcing them right off the bat without talking to them first or trying to find another solution might be a bit drastic. This should be used as a last resort, not a first response.
The question is, is spying a crime? In many countries, including the US and the UK, spying on your spouse using software or a device is illegal. If you have exhausted all other options and feel you need to take legal action, contact a solicitor and get the ball rolling.
Where to go From Here…
Hopefully this article has helped you find out if your spouse is spying on you, and how you should respond if they have. As we’ve mentioned, the best way to deal with a spouse spying on you is to talk it out and hope you can resolve whatever issues you’re both having.
That said, if you get to the point where you can’t find a solution, and your partner continues to spy on you, then you are completely entitled to seek legal action. We hope you get the justice you deserve…