“He’s really nice–he’s just not my type.” We’ve all been there: Someone sets you up on a blind date with a nice guy/girl, and though the date goes well, the person is really nice, and you have enough to talk about, there just seems to be something missing.
Maybe they’re not as attractive as you’d hoped. Maybe they’re not into the same activities as you are. Whatever the case may be, they’re just “not your type.”
What’s so wrong with having a type? Actually… a lot!
“It’s one thing to have standards, like not dating people who would hurt or belittle you, seeking someone who is hard working, etc. That’s good and normal. But that’s not the same thing as having a “type.” says an expert from Kelleher International.
When you insist on having a “type” of person, you’re limiting yourself. We’ve all met someone whom at first we didn’t find remotely attractive, only to realize their attractiveness increases drastically after finding out how funny or charismatic they are. This reveals the problem with having a “type.”
We live in a Tinder-happy dating society where people make snap judgements about you based on your profile picture, and within seconds swipe you off their list without more than a second glance. Whether or not you have or use Tinder, this mentality is becoming more predominant in our society.
The Unexpected Match
The person you think is best for you may very well be best for you, but sometimes it’s the person you never thought you’d end up with who actually makes the best match.
Your “type” is simply a safety net. Face it: Getting into relationships can be scary, so knowing what your “type” is may be your way of protecting yourself from getting hurt or rejected. But what happens when you take the time to actually spend time with and get to know someone who you don’t see as “your type” at all? Sure it may be a little awkward at first. Sure, maybe the sparks aren’t flying right off the bat. But what do you want your relationship to be based on? No matter how amazing and attractive you find someone, those feelings will fade over time.
The beginning of relationships is always charged with extra emotion. The sparks are flying, and your new partner can do no wrong. But if your relationship is only based on initial attraction, what’s going to happen when time puts a damper on those early sparks? Breakups often happen at this stage because, as it turns out, the person isn’t your type after all. You start seeing their flaws and noticing all of the unattractive things about them; things you used to happily ignore or even find endearing slowly start grating on your nerves.
This phase is the first of many instances that relationships are tested and you find out what foundation the relationship is built on. if it’s just that initial attraction, its not likely to last. If, however, it’s based on mutual understanding, trust, good conversation, similar values, and mutual respect, then when those initial sparks fade out, you’ll be left with a solid foundation to continue building upon.
The Game of Chances
So, next time you think your date just “isn’t your type,” consider giving them a second, third, fourth, and even fifth chance before writing them off. Some people take longer to get to know, but once you see them for who they truly are, their overall attractiveness. not just physically, but mentally, can increase dramatically.