Many times couples get misconceived for loving each other, but deep inside their lives, there is so much hate that’s unspoken. They get praise from the outside world that they are role models that any person would emulate.
However, there are always issues surrounding and challenging them, of which infidelity happens to be the worst of all. The cheated partner is left wounded, hurt, and lacks trust for the rest of their lives. The wife may not be attracted to the husband after he cheated due to the pain that he has caused her. The same case applies to the husband.
Couples often find that rather than staying in such a painful marriage, the best option for them is to call it quits and start it over again.
There are factors that, however, hold people from separating despite the pain and hurt caused by infidelity. Some of these factors include:
· Children- Many couples sacrifice a lot for the sake of their children. They would not wish to see them suffer mentally while they are separated and, as such, endure the bitter pill for the better part of their lives.
· Security- In many instances, the wife finds a shield and a defender in a man, and detaching from the sense of security becomes hard.
· Love- It does not matter how much one has been hurt, but if the marriage was founded on genuine love, then divorce statistics after infidelity is very minimal.
On the other hand, if, for any reason, one feels that divorce is a must, some points are necessary to consider before making that critical decision.
Remember, this is a lifetime event, such that when a decree is issued, that is the end of the marriage. To avoid regrets in the future, it’s better to endeavor to evaluate oneself, reason, and decide what you want.
Below are some of the points to help one evaluate how sober the decision has been.
1. Managing emotions after infidelity– Whenever one has been hurt, and confirmed that the husband or wife has cheated on, there are extended sorts of emotions that run through one’s mind: one, its disbelief, sadness, mood swings, and also a feeling of revenge.
At times one would feel that to balance the equation, the best way forward is to revenge to hurt the other party. This should not be the case whatsoever, in as much as they are expected and especially when there is unfaithfulness in marriage.
It is at this time that the aggrieved partner needs to restrain from making critical decisions such as divorce. The best thing is to allow the mind to settle down and make a decision when there is no push rather than break a marriage which would otherwise have been saved because of a single day that the spouse was caught cheating.
2. Understand the reasons that led to infidelity.
It is in the mind of a normal human being to get hurt and not dig deeper to understand the reasons for cheating. For instance, it would be painful to divorce a cheating wife, yet the frustrations at work could have caused this, and in a bid to release the stress after a busy day, they fall into temptation. In any case, it is better to know early enough that she has cheated on you and look for ways to avert such again.
One may feel like that, that is the worst thing that has ever happened to life, but mostly, it is not, and more so, there is room for forgiveness.
3. Take a step and purpose to let go and heal the mind.
Any time a person’s emotions are hurt, the mind is also disrupted. This could lead to depression if care is not taken. Before making that final decision, whether to stay or to quit, purpose to healing your mind and allowing a chance for a new you in the aftermath. Letting go is the beginning of anyone’s healing, and avoiding it could only make things worse.
4. Seek wise counsel.
When going through such a painful experience in marriage, it’s necessary to seek the wisdom of a counselor. This is because they may sympathize with you but will also advise accordingly.
Families and friends can be a great source of reprieve but guess what, having them close to you may not give long-lasting solutions. Sure, you will have a shoulder to lean on, cry out, but at the end of the day, they will have biased decisions, based on the fact that there is a real emotional attachment between yourselves.
Therefore, it’s wise to get a marriage counselor, share out all your pains, and from experience, they have had from others who have suffered in the same capacity, they will have a reliable and long-lasting solution to your standoff.
5. Manage fear.
There are two options here, deciding to stay or to leave. These two options will make one have a sense of awe. For instance, if it’s resting, there will be fear of the future, how will the marriage survive, and there would still chance of infidelity?
On the other hand, there is fear of living because of reasons such as raising the kids as a single parent, losing the case for the custody of your children, the financial implications during the process, and after divorce, among many others.
All these are real-life situations of which one should evaluate and consider which way is more comfortable before making that critical decision.
6. Have a sober and joyful mind.
No matter the pain you have been caused, life must continue, and taking good care of your mental health and physical wellness will only do you well than harm. Why not go out shopping for that executive suit you have ever dreamt of, watch a movie that you dared watching and love yourself.
This will help you ascertain your net worth and give leeway to making a decision that won’t bring regrets at the end.
7. Forgive.
As you purpose to decide on the way forward, it’s important to forgive the spouse.
One may ask how long marriage does last after infidelity. Surprisingly, it may take forever, and both the husband and wife may love one another to eternity. But only after forgiveness.
When all this is said, it’s now time to make that critical decision. When it becomes complicated to accept to move on with a cheating spouse, when there are no more chances of trust, and the only solution is divorce, then it is essential to end the marriage but in a respectable manner.
In any case, one does not have to live a life of embarrassment — pain in a bid to stick to a painful marriage.
As such, have a plan of events over how the entire divorce process will take place, which include seeking advice from marriage and divorce counselors on how to end the marriage.
Now that the decision is made, what next is to know when to walk away after infidelity?
1. Anticipate several reactions.
It has never been easy to call it quits with a person who you have called a husband or wife. Emotions will range from pain, crying for love, denial, and rejection.
This will run one’s mind as you try to come to terms with the process of divorce. Imagine getting in the house to break the news that it is over to the love of your life.
The pain becomes unbearable and unrealistic.
2. Plan your finances and ensure that they not only cater to the divorce process but will pull you through after separation as you settle into a new life,
This might be a challenge, but it is critical to ensure that:
· Any joint accounts are closed- This is to avoid manipulation of funds by the other party in a bid to exploit and misuse to leave you empty.
· Change credit cards immediately.
· Open a new account in your name to keep some savings as you go through the divorce process. On the same note, it’s paramount to change the postal address to keep off disclosing any financial information from your spouse.
3. Seek Legal Counsel.
There is a need to seek the services of an attorney and especially when there are disagreements between the divorcing parties.
For instance, an attorney will advise how the entire process goes on, and in the event, you would need a counselor during the process; he will also guide you.
Still, on the onset of the process, if you establish that the process is not contested, it’s worth going through an online divorce site.
This is a site that helps one to go through the divorce process, even at the comfort of your couch. You only need to have a laptop and a stable internet to start the process.
On top of that, it’s a cheap and quick process. When issues surrounding the marriage has already hurt one, finances should not add to more pain, and an online divorce will work out best for uncontested separation.
4. Let your spouse know of your intentions- The main aim here is divorce. Make it clear that you are seeking divorce for the sole reason of infidelity. This will also help him/ her to re-evaluate and in the future, avoid the same mistake.
5. Acquaint yourself with friends who will stand with you.
The divorce process is a mentally draining process and more so financially and physically stressing.
There is a need to have a close friend who will stick with you when things are tough.
These are people whom you are free to talk to, share your challenges as they encourage you.
6. After the process is over, it’s time to re-examine oneself, lay a new foundation to start, and, besides, get new friends who will give a new focus for life, this is the best one can do to ensure that life starts over again.
At this time, the decree on who will retain the house or who will move out will be explicit, so there is no cause to worry. It is, however, essential to bear in mind that the judge’s decision can swing in any way. It’s therefore critical to have an open mind and be ready to either leave the house, or the other party could also leave.
Before dating again, if it must happen, give yourself some time to walk over the traumatizing event that was, heal and enjoy yourself.
Conclusion
Unfaithfulness in marriage will always be there. This does not mean that there is room for that, but before deciding to divorce, evaluate your lifestyles. Who knows, you could be the reason for infidelity in the house. The wife may feel neglected sexually and get tired of pleading for intimacy.
This could be the only consolation they would get.