Addiction is a disease that affects everyone around it. When people hear the word addiction, they often think of the person suffering from it, and that’s valid. But oftentimes people forget that addiction and the consequences of it spreads to the loved ones and people closest to it. Addiction is an illness that no one asks for, and there is no navigation manual to get through it, for both the person addicted and the family members who see how it transforms the person they love. There is no real right or wrong way to go about getting help, but sometimes understanding that someone needs help is a step in the right direction.
It’s important to note that the main person affected by addiction is the one that truly needs support, but family and friends who see it everyday deserve care and compassion too. Addiction is both a physical and mental disease that completely transforms someone. Survey results show that ⅔ of respondents have either been addicted to drugs or alcohol, or have had a family member affected by addiction. This shows that addiction is super common, and that people deserve to be supported no matter how they are connected to it.
One of the main things about addiction is that it can completely alter the person suffering from it. It can consume their body and mind, making them unrecognizable to the people who know them best. Jim Hight explores these themes in his debut novel “Moon Over Humboldt,” after going through addiction himself.
“Addicts and alcoholics are different from regular folks, or ‘normies’ as we sometimes call the rest of you. We have a compulsive, obsessive drive to use drugs, alcohol and other mind-altering substances and experiences (such as gambling or shopping) even after suffering terrible consequences from such behavior. That is not normal. We are not normal,” Hight says.
It’s important to remember that people who are suffering from addiction might not be the same person as they once were. That is the nature of the disease. That is why it is so hard for family members to be around addiction and help them through it, because they are trying to help someone who they cannot connect with. Having this realization is a good first step to helping them overcome their addiction.
“Recognizing just how different addicts are—and how differently a son or daughter behaves once addiction has taken hold—is vitally important for the parents of addicts. As David Sheff wrote so heartbreakingly in Beautiful Boy, when addiction took over his son’s life, the boy he once knew and trusted was replaced by someone who would lie, cheat, steal, and endanger his family to get drugs,” Hight says.
As a family member or friend of someone with addiction, it’s okay to give yourself some grace through this tough time because you are suffering as well. Try to dig deep and remember the person they used to be, because with time, support and love, they can be brought back to the surface in their recovery. Taking a step back and removing yourself from the situation might seem like the worst way to support someone, but it might do more good than you think. If you are not able to handle it mentally, how can the person suffering from addiction handle it? Family and friends have to be the rock and support system, but it’s not always easy. Do what you need to do, come back, and help them through it. Addiction is a chain reaction, affecting everyone around it.
“I do not have an addict for a child—in fact, I have no biological children. But I’ve watched and listened to and sat with parents of addicts, and I incorporated elements of their stories (always safeguarding anonymity) as well as those of writers like Sheff in my novel, Moon Over Humboldt. Bill, the father in my story, has to learn to detach with love from his son—a process so daunting that he doesn’t even understand what it means at first,” says Hight.
There is no easy way to navigate addiction, whether you are the one suffering or a family member is. It is a path of destruction hurting everyone around it. Not only does addiction change a person physically and mentally, it can spread harm to people they love. As someone who sees addiction, it’s important to spread love and support to the person affected, but to also seek it out for yourself. No matter how addiction affects you, everyone deserves to reach the surface.