Not all marriages can fulfill the promise of staying together through thick and thin, for richer and poorer, for better or worst. Research says that around 41 percent of the first marriages end in divorce, and 8.60 percent of second marriages face the same fate.
If you are reading this article, chances are, you have already signed the divorce papers. The relationship that you have started with full of love, hope, and dreams is now all over.
Meanwhile, each divorce is different. Some have been married for decades while some for years and even months. Some have kids and some have none. Some divorce were decisions made by both sides and some are one-sided. Moreover, while divorce could bring relief, but most of the time it brings heartbreak.
Whatever situation the divorce has put you in, the only question you need to answer is: how are you going to start your life as a single person again? Below are some ways on how you are going to fix yourself and deal with life after divorce:
Let it all out
Whether you have initiated it or have fought to keep your marriage, divorce will leave you the pain of losing someone. Expect that you will feel different emotions that have something to do with grief.
There might be a feeling of deep regret about the things that you have done or have not done that have caused your divorce. Cry if you need to, after all, nobody gets married hoping to get divorced someday. What’s done is done and it’s now part of your past.
Leave heavy baggage behind
Don’t bring the past relationship’s hard feelings into your new life. You have to work on leaving this heavy baggage from your marriage’s demise.
Focus your energy on the healthy activities that you love or try to talk to a therapist about what you feel. It is normal to ignore these feelings but you have to eventually work on it. Otherwise, this heavy baggage will affect your life sooner or later.
Do not resist the idea of talking to a therapist. Remember that doing so doesn’t mean that you are sick or you are experiencing a life crisis. There are times that you need to talk to someone who is neutral so you can work your way to a better life.
Most people feel a lot of self-rejection after a painful divorce. You may feel that something is wrong with you as you were not able to make your previous marriage work. Be confident, have faith in yourself and keep in mind that you are worthy.
Remember the person you were before marriage
If you have been married for a long time, you may have stopped doing the things you love to do before you get married.
You probably loved going on outdoor adventures when you were single but your spouse preferred to stay at home. Or you are always at a party but your spouse hates noise.
Remember all the activities and hobbies you have when you were single. What are the things that you love but needed to stop for the sake of your relationship? You must try doing these things to pick yourself up.
Discover the new you
A divorce is a life-changing event. While it is usually difficult, this event may still bring a positive effect and could help you become a new you.
You may try having a new hairstyle after a long time of wearing the same one. You could try a new hobby that really interests your ex-spouse does not allow you. Move to a new city or spend a year in a place that you are longing to visit. You could even decide to revert to your maiden name or change your name completely to help you move on. However, it is essential to remember that this name change granted by a judge will not automatically change your name on relevant documents such as your credit cards, passport, driver’s license, etc. According to the people at EZ Name Change, “…get your records changed, one-by-one” It is tedious work to do all of this, but don’t give up!
Although, some of these things won’t be that possible, especially if you need to consider a lot of things such as your budget, kids, or your budget which may have been heavily affected by your divorce.
While there are things that you desire could be out of reach, it is certain that there things that are within your capabilities. Do not turn your back to any positive changes just because you cannot make every change.
Consider meeting new people
Try to meet someone new. Someone that is outside your preference. It is not important if this person is going to be a new relationship or just a friend. What matters is, you find a person who can be with you when you need someone to talk to or just to hang out. There are websites like OhMy that allow people to meet new friends online for dates and more.
It is true that divorce, whichever side you were during the process, can have a devastating result. However, you need to pick yourself up to live a new life. After all, you are now single and free once again.