Being in a long term relationship is hard, throw some kids into the mix and it can feel almost impossible to keep the spark alive. But the good news is this is a normal feeling and there are things you can do to take your relationship to the next level. One of the best things you can do for your relationship is to learn both your and their love language. This will allow you to give love in a way that allows your partner to really feel like they’re receiving it. Another thing you can do is explore the option of couples therapy. Often we bring a lot of baggage from previous relationships and our childhood into a relationship, and that can be quite toxic. The third suggestion I have for having a healthier relationship is to focus on yourself! Make sure your cup is filled so that you can fill other people’s cups. If you’re looking for ways you can have a healthier, more supportive relationship, keep reading to learn more.
1. Learn Each Other’s Love Languages
Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages is an amazing resource for learning how different we all are and how different types of gestures impact us. There are five love languages that range from gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time and touch. While you can enjoy a combination of these love languages, we generally have one that is our main love language. If, for example, your partner’s love language is gifts, then you might be wise to buy her a personalised necklace to show her how much she means to you. Likewise, if it’s acts of service, small things like taking her car for a service or opening the door might make her feel very loved.
2. Go To Therapy Alone and Together
Couples therapy is such a great resource. I actually suggest that all couples go before they get married to iron out any issues or communication problems before they become disabled. When you have a problem with your primary partner, it can feel really overwhelming especially if it’s unresolved for a really long time. I think couples therapy works best when it’s used alongside individual therapy to tackle individual issues too. If couples therapy is not quite in your budget, why not do something that brings the two of you together like using a daily app to answer questions about your relationship. Right now I’m using Agape and I really like it.
3. Be Selfish
Too often people, especially women, get into relationships and lose themselves. They start giving 110% into the relationship, leaving nothing for themselves. While that seems loving and caring from the outside, it’s actually quite dangerous because it can leave them feeling run down, and unappreciated. Don’t lose sight of yourself in the process and be sure to continuously focus on the things that you love to do! Maintain your friendships outside of your relationship and keep up with your hobbies and passions.
I hope these tips help inspire you to get your relationship to a healthier place. Being in a good relationship or marriage takes work, but it’s worth the effort.